It's funny how something random can trip you up emotionally and you find yourself awash with feelings you thought you'd left behind. Do we ever stop grieving for the hopes, dreams and Loved ones we lose. But then again one of the major laws of physics teaches energy does not die it simply changes form. So is this what happens to our hopes, beliefs and dreams? When they die do they find new form? If so where? Do they transform into new dreams and new hopes? If so, how? Will it happen naturally like decomposition, dying only to become absorbed into something else? Or do we have to cremate them ourselves sweeping up the ashes of what once was, finding somewhere to discard them. Do we ever really lose the things we hold dear? People, memories, the things we Love, time? Is there always a lesson to be learned from that which we can not hold on to or lets go of us, the people we lose and our dreams that get washed away?
We grieve for what could have been, what should have been and what will never be. We grieve for what has gone before and what will never be replaced. We grieve for what we Love the most and it is this journey alone that has the power to make us, break us, transform and enlighten us. The grieving process is a journey into the darkest, loneliest valley we will ever walk. It is a journey that is undertaken without a map of reason and no two are the same. It is a journey into our very soul. Grief forces us to confront ourselves, how we live and how we behave towards others. It is in grief that we are plunged into the depths of sadness and the power of anger is unleashed. There is an eye in this storm where nothing is real and nothing can be felt. As the world carries on turning you are stuck in the void, stuck in the nothingness where we feel nothing but numb. It is the void that scares the most. It is the nothing that is the most frightening. It is the feeling of not feeling that creates an indifference to life that a part of you knows is unnatural but you don't care because you don't care.
It hurts to breathe. It hurts to cry and every morning that you wake up you curse that you're still alive. You don't want to die but you don't want to live another day of this unquantified emptiness. An end does not seem in sight.
There are moments of respite that catch you off guard and a warm memory will make you laugh or smile as you wait for the bus or pack groceries in the supermarket. It is these precious fragments of Love that override the anger, the sorrow and the ache of missing what you no longer have that creates a healing balm. It hurts but it heals.
So do we ever stop grieving or do we learn to just live with our loss and if so will those tears that spring without warning ever stop flowing?
I Love my daughter! She's freeakin' AWESOME!
If you are blessed with healthy, happy, relatively normal (?) children or especially if your child is unwell, acting up or a royal pain (we've all been there) take a minute to send them some Love. If they have a mobile phone send them a text, or post on their wall a little reminder of just how precious they are to you. Yes, there are days when you want to scream at the top of your lungs and it's only those episodes of CSI (they'd work out it was me) that you've watched that have stopped you from sending your child into the next world (every parent especially if you have teenagers has thought about it - don't lie!).
Being a parent is challenging (ask my cat!) but the rewards are immeasurable. Our children are our gift to the world and they are amazing! No matter how badly we screw up as care providers our children remain loyal and unwavering in their Love. It takes a LOT for a child to wash their hands of their parents. We really have to screw up BIG time for a child to denounce us. So let's give our most precious resource the Love, respect and ATTENTION they need and deserve.
We're living in challenging times. Money is on all our minds and parents in particular are carrying additional weights on their shoulders. But let's not lose focus. Let's not forget that whilst we have a responsibility to keep a roof over our heads, dinner on the table and clothes on our children's back, we are mums and dads FIRST and foremost and our children (and partners) need to know that they are the most important people in our lives. It is not enough to know that you Love your children. It is not enough for you to ASSUME that they know you Love them. It is our single duty as parents and care providers to reassure through daily demonstration just how important our children are to us and it starts with stopping what you are doing right NOW and taking a minute to think about your child/children and remember why you are doing what you are doing and where your Joy really lies.
Don't let the demands of world of illusion blind you to what matters most.
You are NOT too busy to hold in your mind a wonderful thought of a child you chose to bring into this world.
So do it. Do it now! Show them some Love and really feel in your heart the power of the gift life hasgenerously blessed you with.
If you are not a parent then think about the children young and older who bring Joy into your life and be thankful for their presence too.
Today, let's make a commitment to show our future generation what they mean to us right NOW>
Lots of Love. <3
xxx
Phone rings. It's one of my ex boyfriends. "Alright Girl! I'm in the city fancy lunch?" As tempting as wild mushroom polenta washed down with a Bellini or 2 is, I have another appointment so reluctantly decline. I haven't spoken to him since April and we've got loads to catch up on so we slip into a natural conversation about the current events of our lives. There are genuine and heart felt congratulations and commiserations between us. I really enjoy our conversation, he gives me advice and I give him advice and everything flows so naturally between us and I realise this is because we actually have a genuine friendship. I don't feel the pressure to be the all Loving, sexy, supportive girlfriend and he doesn't feel the need to be gentleman come all action super hero. There are no false barriers to hide behind. I see through him and he sees through me, we really are "Just good friends." And I absolutely adore him.
Serendipity brought us together one afternoon. I'd been single for a while and he'd just come out of a long relationship so really and truly we were never really destined at that moment in time to have more than an intense and passionate 6 months together which we did. Loads in common bringing out the best in and inspiring each other.It was great but we were romancing on borrowed time. I wanted a grown up relationship, he was just getting over one so when he rang me and said "Baby we need to talk." I had an idea of where we were heading and although it was sad when he sat in front of me and admitted that he was still in Love with his ex I felt nothing but compassion, no anger, no bewilderment and none of the torture that comes from having lots of questions and no answers. As he opened his heart and honestly told me respectfully and kindly to my face that he couldn't give me the commitment I wanted I realised that I didn't want this amazing man out of my life. He was right we didn't have a future as a couple we had a future as something even more amazing, we had a future as friends.
When we get romantically involved with people our perspectives can go out the window. In a fit of passion and excitement we get caught up in the romance of what we want and can overlook the often overlooked reason this person has come into our lives.
After having such a good open and honest chat with my ex I began to feel very thankful for his presence in my life. I appreciate him and I thank him for being the one who made the adult decision to end our relationship. But what makes me appreciate and Love him even more is the way he ended it. Instead of leaving me a "I'm sorry I can't do this." Post It note on the fridge or just ignoring me was kind enough to afford me the respect, compassion and kindness of ending our relationship with dignity. I respected him for this more than anything. I didn't walk away feeling used, confused or broken. I walked away with my dignity and it made a huge difference to what happened next between us.
We weren't meant to be a couple long not really, but we had built an incredible friendship and neither one of us wanted to end that and we didn't have to.
Today I've been reflecting on the saying that people come into our lives for a reason, a season and for life and I agree but I think if you scratch beneath the surface of that adage there is another layer of learning. Maybe one or two exceptional people come into our lives for a combination of reason and life, season and reason. This then poses a new challenge with regards to how we enter and exit the lives we touch.
A brave, simple, heartfelt conversation over a Cosmopolitan in a bar transformed 2 former Lovers into loyal, Loving, lifelong friends :-).
I read this blog post http://maxilus-maxilus.blogspot.com/2011/09/what-has-happened-to-people-friendships.html?spref=fb about the nature of friendships and change and it got me thinking in one direction and then sent me off on a tangent!
Hmmm, where to begin??? Let's go make some tea first!!! LOL!
I think like the natural world, human nature consists of polarities - light and dark, fire and ice, deserts and oceans. We all have positive and negative aspects to our personalities, otherwise we wouldn't be human and we wouldn't be able to learn our life lessons. It's the negative aspects of our thinking that offer us an avenue to challenge ourselves and allow us to grow and develop. With this in mind, I think it's unfair and unrealistic to expect people to behave 1 dimensionally and consistently. Our personalities are made up of many facets and I challenge anyone who says that a) they know themselves, b) their personality has not changed over the years and c) that their personality and behaviour is consistent with everyone they know/meet.
I know for a fact that mine isn't! The personality I project in a class full of students younger than me is not the same as the personality I project when I'm out socialising with friends or being intimate with my lover. Whilst the traits of my personality may fundamentally remain the same (Open, Extrovert etc) how I behave and relate to others does not. I adjust my personality to the situation that I find myself in, I can't be alone in this? Surely that's what we all do???
And herein lies a confusing paradox, believing that our behaviour, personalities and thoughts are consistent when in reality, they're not!
We all have experiences that are unique and personal to us. No two people will process and experience the same events in the same way. It is our experiences combined with our history and personalities that determine how we react and project ourselves. Living forces us to change! When we change our perception of the world around us and the people in it change too because we have! If you are blessed with good, supportive and compatible friends, family, colleagues etc the change often goes undetected and Life continues to flow. However when change is not synchronised, we feel it and can become acutely sensitive to it.
Change, especially when forced upon us rarely makes sense and d we start to ask "Why is so and so behaving in this way?", "Why don't people understand?", etc. We can so easily get stuck in the questioning of the behaviour of others. We become so blindingly judgemental that we fail to notice the fundamental truth - we can not control the behaviour of others. We can only control the behaviour of ourselves and how we react to the change that occurs in our lives.
People change, we change and subsequently the nature and dynamics of our relationships/friendships change. I sincerely believe that people come into our lives for a REASON, a SEASON or for LIFE and it is our responsibility to identify what role a person plays in our life, learn our lessons and to accept the inevitability of change. Change happens with or without your permission - FACT!
We all have individual Life Paths and as such can only control how WE behave. One person may not be able to change the majority in an instant but by becoming and living by example change can be effected if we really want it and we chose it.
Like attracts Like, it is just that simple. So when we stop judging and questioning the behaviour of others and become more compassionate, Loving, tolerant and accepting of the flaws of humanity we ourselves change into more compassionate, Loving, tolerant, understanding and forgiving human beings and experience true Joy. This is the alignment of our hearts with our personalities and behaviour. To my mind, this is at the heart of what it means to be human, it is our humanity.
:-)
My relationship with the God of my understanding is one whereby I can say "Father, I've been a dickhead (again)!" and he says "Yeah, I know! But have a KitKat anyway and I'll get your Guides, the Angels, your Ancestors, The Ascended Masters, The Sun, The Moon and every other celestial body that vibrates on the higher planes of existence to help fix your shit for you, again :-)!".
And I say "Thanks Pops!" then make a nice cup of tea knowing everything is safely held in the hands of my Creator and that Divine Right Order will put everything as it should be even if I don't like the way it looks at the time!
I have never felt so Loved, understood or happy as the day I realised that all my problems stem from the same problem, Misperception. Misperception about what I am, what you are, what life is and why we're all here. To "Know thy Self" is to free your mind from all of the beliefs, fears and misunderstandings that governments, society and religion in particular have given you.
The world as it is currently defined is designed to make us believe that we are stupid or failures, fractured and wrong for not conforming to or living by the rules the few made up to control the many. The 10 biblical commandments have been used and abused to turn the Sons and Daughters of the Creator into fearful slaves of a world that has forgotten the Golden Rule THE most important piece of advice from the Divine Mind "Love thy neighbour as thyself." I can't believe that it's not one of the 10 commandments personally! In fact I think it should be the only commandment but that's not for here!
The point I'm making is simple:
You were created by whatever Divine Being you choose to put your Faith in and I'm pretty sure that Being made you from a portion of itself, therefore, unless the Almighty you believe in isn't made from perfect Love then what else could you be made from?
In the eyes of Spirit you can not fail because you are perfection. You come from perfection therefore what else can you possibly be? Perfection.
If you are perfection it must be your perception of what you view yourself to be that is not perfect. Therefore how you view the world is an error or a sin if you prefer the biblical term which for the record comes from the Greek it is in fact an archery term meaning to "miss the mark". In archery when you miss the mark you take another shot! Simple things. You get to correct your original error! And that's all a sin is! That's all any mistake is, just an error in judgement or perception. It can be corrected quite easily by recognising that it is just an error. No matter how deep the consequences of an error may run, they can be corrected and healed. They can!
Kneeling before your own errors and admitting "Damn, I fucked up!" is the first step in correcting our perception. The second is admitting "I don't know how to fix this but I know a man who does!" And thirdly handing it over, all of it. Spirit can not heal what you can not release. So let IT go! You'll feel instant Peace and what you thought was a mountain will reduce to the size of a pin prick. You will see your problem through the eyes of Spirit and it will be transformed and it will be healed.
The Mind of the Universe is bigger and brighter than you can possibly imagine. We are Angels in human form our imaginations are limited by our beliefs but let go of what you believe and suddenly anything and everything can happen and does.
You do not have to be strong all the time. We are children of the Creator, so be a child. It's fun! If you want to count blades of grass do so. If you want to ride a Donkicorn (half donkey, half Unicorn mine's pink!) then close your eyes and whisk yourself into that world where everything is possible, everything exists and relax knowing that no matter what happens all is well.
Being Kind, Compassionate and Understanding is not weakness. When you open your heart to Love you connect with the most powerful force in the Universe, you connect directly with everything every created, you connect directly with the Divine.
Lots of Love.
:-)
.
Today I was asked "What do you mean when you use the term Source?" It's such a brilliant question! We are all at different stages on our spiritual journey and it is so important to be crystal clear and not take for granted and assume that everyone knows what you're talking about when you make a statement that contains a possible abstract construct. This was my reply:
With regards to your question about Source, when I use the term Source, I am referring to 2 forms of energy. The first is the all prevailing energy that created us - God, Divine Mind, Divine Consciousness, Awareness, The Creator, The Universe, Universal Consciousness are other names for Source. Source is the source of our existence. Source is just that the source from which we come from. The second reference I use the term for relates to the part of our selves that IS Source. It is the part of us that is the fragment of the Being that created everything. Source can only use itself to create, therefore what it creates must contain itself. Human beings have added layers to Source's original creation. These layers we have added are our beliefs, what we "think" is true! So when we return to Source all we are doing is stripping away the layers of the belief we have created and returning back to the Truth of our being. Back to the Source of what we are, Love.
Source is the energy of pure and complete, unpolluted, unconditional Love. Love that does not judge, manipulate, demand or expect anything in return. Love that walks with eternity and waits patiently, silently. The Love that begets inspiration, compassion and beauty in its most simple form.
It is pure.
It is perfect and that is why it has so much power to heal because it isn't broken and it can not be broken. Source only recognises itself because it only uses itself to create with. Source is Love, therefore it can only see Love. It can not see illness, wrong doing or any other human ailment or misconception that we ourselves have created through our fractured perception and belief that we are a separate being from the One who created us.
Source is NOT governed by the religion that man has made to suit his own purpose; that justifies inhumanity, intolerance and ignorance in the name of some easily offended, bad tempered, judgmental deity!
Source IS the energy that is fully alive between the atoms, that binds the whole Universe together. The energy that transforms a seed into a flower without any outside instruction. The same energy that takes a sperm and an egg and uninterrupted creates human life without our help!
When we return to Source and surrender to its energy completely we are healed physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally. The greatest gift of Source is the understanding and the shift in perception that reveals to us that we all originate from the same Source, Love. This is mirrored back to us when we accept that we are all originate from the same Source. It is mirrored in every soul we encounter.
We are made whole.
The internal struggles end and freedom returns.
Like the river flowing into the sea we simply return to what we are and to what we came from.
This is the flow of Love.
The day I stood up and said "I don't want to work here anymore" and walked out of my "good job" was the most defining moment of my life. I had no idea what I was doing but I knew that bureaucracy and working for a pension was not for me. There was nothing wrong with my job there is nothing wrong with any job! I wasn't happy with me. I wasn't happy full stop so any job i did at that moment in time would have been awful.
We blame our circumstances for our unhappiness when in truth our unhappiness is our responsibility. It's a hard and jagged little pill to swallow but it's true. Hating your job is the most obvious sign that you are out of alignment with something in your life. That something is you. The job is not the problem. You are!
When you're alive with happiness, living a fun and productive life that if is fulfilling everything you do feels wonderful. No task is to much to undertake. Your heart is light and there is something to smile about. You don't mind the walk to the train station or no seat on a bus. It doesn't bother you that much to be sat in traffic when you've got your favourite tunes for company. But the journey to work can feel like a gangplank to hell when you don't feel good about the job you do, or you can't see say anything nice about your colleagues. The job is to blame and it's not your fault right? Wrong!
The job is the the job! It needs to be done. Every job is valuable, every job serves a purpose when we see it as a way in which we ourselves can make the world a better place. Your job should not be just another means to fill a hole in your life or a way to make ends meet or drag yourself from one meaningless day to another.
Your work is your present to the world. So show up! Show up with all your positive energy, radiance and Love. It's your chance to make a difference. What you do during those 8 precious hours and the hours that surround it have the power to make or break another person's day. When you show up for work feeling negative you send out a vibration that will bring you more of the the same. It will be matched by more negative energy.
People who dislike their jobs invariably create negative energy that effects other people consciously and subconsciously. They infest the workplace with a heaviness that casts a malignant shadow over every person they come into contact with. Their unhappiness which goes beyond the 4 walls of the office/factory/shop etc and back to their Self is a tangible force that weighs heavily.
When you are unhappy in your place of work you are unfairly pushing out job satisfaction, joy, pride in your work and fulfillment. You are not being fair to your Self, your colleagues or other people whom you subconsciously effect with your unhappy attitude because you are not vibrating at your highest level of radiance. You are denying your Self and those around you the very best of you.
I do not advocate for one minute that you stand up and walk out of your job declaring "I'd rather live in hell than come back here tomorrow" but I'd be the first to cheer if you did! When I left my "job for life" it set in motion an effect that transformed my world so when my formal dismissal letter landed on my doorstep a few weeks later I knew that my first authentic day had arrived.
Do I regret it? Nope! Was it scary? Possibly. I don't remember to be honest. All I know was that I was dying in a job that I wasn't meant to be doing because I was meant to be finding my life purpose.
When I stopped working for the "the man" I was free to find myself, test myself and discover who I really am. It has been the greatest adventure of my life. I had no money and no conventional future to speak of but I didn't care. I had a burning deep inside me that wouldn't diminish. A desire to find something. I didn't know what at the time and it took me a while to work out that I was looking for was actually me! The real ME! The authentic me and started with a good cry in the bath that lead me to University.
Ironically, if I was to go back to my old job I could do it quite easily. I'd enjoy it, I'd give it my best and respect my work for I see now that it was never the job that was the problem, it was me. It's not the kind of work that would bring me boundless joy now but I would be able to do it peacefully because I am at peace with myself now.
So the moral of this tale is "Hell YES!" follow your heart, follow your dreams and become your passion! For this IS who you are. Pack only blind Faith in your valise and Serendipity, Synchronicity, Self belief and Love will do the rest.
There is another you out there, bigger and better than you you are today!.
Never betray who you are when they tell you what you should be! Have courage no matter how crazy the world tells you you are for walking the other way down a one way street because it's the direction life wants you to take. When you're in alignment with your true nature things start to just fall into place naturally effortlessly and harmoniously.
Eventually, we must all go our own way.
It takes courage but it's worth it because you are :-)
Whilst I agree that everyone is different and therefore one rule does not necessarily apply to all, there does come a point where we have to choose if we want to continue allowing sadness in any form to be the dominant feeling of our lives.
If is so powerful and whilst it can inspire us to do great things it can also become a seductive cloak that dominates the rest of our lives.
Sadness is sadness if something takes away your joy it can not be measured. When we lose someone/something that we Love dearly there comes a point where our sadness can turn into a habit we get use to it.
This is not natural.
Instead of foucsing our attention on the joy we felt with/for the one we Love we remember our own sorrow instead. This does not honour the fact that we were blessed to have shared our lives with someone who brought us Joy and whom we Loved.
We live in a western world that constantly reports negativity as news but it doesn't celebrate or encourage joy and fellowship.
Therefore, happiness requires effort we have to learn to change our perception of our sadness in order to see it as a feeling that can be harnessed for transformation and good.
Choose happiness because it feels good.
Lots of Love. xxx
My belief in physical Love is that we are gifts to our partners and they are gifts to us.
Romantic Love is a sacred union of two souls who come together for a duration of time that is appropriate for them.
We serve as mirrors to each other bringing to the Light of our consciousness that which needs healing from our past, issues such as anger, jealousy and self worth.
All of our fears are safely brought to the altar of Truth in a truly sacred union and we are given a chance to see them. With our partner's Love, encouragement and support we are given an opportunity to review, assess and safely challenge our own beliefs. Here we can correct our perception of ourselves. If your partner reflects the beauty of who you are back at you, it is a gift. It is your choice however, to accept it and use it to transform into the highest form of your own being.
Conversely, the wonderful aspects that already reside in you are nurtured like the roots of a tree to deepen and expand within the limitless capacity of a relationship that is nourished by
unconditional Love, compassion, tolerance, understanding and above all else acceptance.
The lessons of a relationship are not always easy but this is often due to our resistance as we adapt to learning something new. There are always challenges. We compromise but we ourselves should not be compromised.
Love is our natural state. It responds to itself and deep down inside you already know whether or not the relationship you are in is a true union of the soul. If it is not then the challenge becomes one of courage. We are set the task of not following the impulse of our exceptionally clever ego. Our super smart ego/personaltiy/thought patterns are entrenched and know us so well that it can over ride moments of clarity where we know our partner isn't the right person for us to be with.
The ego acting our of fear, loneliness or desperation (guilty as charged) employs the most seductive and sophisticated of techniques of denial into conning us into believing whole heartedly (now there's irony) that the illusion of "Love" we have found is meant to be and is eternal.
It is not because it is not Love.
"May you find in you what you seek in another."
Lots of Love
xxx
If we want to release a negative emotion then we must not ignore it or run from it. Conversely we don't want to declare war on it either as this only serves to entrench the emotion making it defiant and resistant to change. When our negative emotions dominate our lives it's hard to find release from the polarity of fear to our natural predisposition of Joy.
Negative feelings are our learned emotional responses to situations. We learn to be angry, bitter, sad, hurt and fearful when we perceive that an emotional need has not been met or that we have been unfairly treated. We seek emotional justice for a perceived act that has taken us out of our happiness. Some people seek retribution in blaming other people, they pass judgement on an external variable and in doing so they create emotional discord within themselves.
How many times have we said to ourselves and others that this person did x, y and z, therefore this is the reason we are angry, sad, scared, resentful, jealous etc. We nurture and reinforce our negative feelings by holding on to them tightly wishing we weren't so unhappy. Refusing to try an alternative potion we drink the poison of our own negative emotions through that extra glass of wine that turns into a bottle, joint, a donut, smoking, gambling, sex or that Friday night out on the tiles that turns into a Saturday night out and eventually starts on a Thursday.
Negative emotions celebrate our misery and keep us blanketed in fear keeping our backs turned firmly against the Love that radiates just behind our own belief in our own sadness.
When we surrender to our negative emotions we give them a home in the form of our behaviour which then becomes an automatic response to situations that we teach, practice and reinforce repeatedly; thereby turning it into a habituated response. We don't even know we do it!
How many times have you not tried something done something or gone somewhere because you "knew" you wouldn't like it? How do you know if you won't like something until you confront it.
Confronting our negative emotions is a challenge that takes us out of our comfort zone and into the void of the unknown.
Your true radiant Loving self is like the sun, negative emotions are like clouds. Clouds are illusions, they are not solid. The wind can blow them away. And so it is with you. Let your desire to see the sun in your life be the wind that moves the clouds.
Lots of Love.
<3
The secret to accurate and effective communication with yourself and others requires a bit of effort but it is simple and it's not really a secret!
1) Make peace with who you are; this just means taking responsibility for the things that you've done, atoning for your errors and understanding that you do have something valuable to bring to the world. Peace allows your Truth to surface. Our Truth empowers us when we own it and speak in alignment with it.
2) Separate your needs from your wants. Needs are essential to our emotional, physical, psychological, spiritual survival. We need to feel satisfied physically, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually and this can only be achieved when our internal need for validation is met with feeling inner peace. Inner peace comes from accepting the majesty of who we are.
3) Identify your feelings. How you feel is a physical response that happens in your body. Feelings are the language of the body. "I am tired" is a feeling, "I am pissed off" is not! Most people are unaware of this and confuse their feelings with their emotions which are not the same. Thoughts create emotions that without the filter of inner peace create beliefs and behaviours that are often not in alignment with our Truth. Feelings are the language of the body.
4) Control your thoughts. The constant barrage of mental images, infinite scenarios, unfounded fears (creating anxiety) and beliefs that go unchallenged in a never ending stream of internal dialogue require management. Thoughts contain the raw ingredients of emotions. What you think will create your emotional state. Emotional states are experiences that are created the instant a thought arises.
5) Manage your emotions. Emotions are shadows of what we are thinking. Emotions are the shadows of our thoughts. Thoughts come and go. When you ruminate and fixate your thoughts on one thing, when your attention is focused on one thought or set or thoughts you will experience the corresponding emotion. It can be positive, it can be negative it depends on exactly what you are thinking about.
When you manage your emotions you can honestly identify and communicate your feelings.
Accurate and effective communication is vital. It is our internal script that we read to ourselves and that we hand out to others. What we communicate is reflected back by the way other people interact with us. If you are not communicating your authentic self, do not be surprised when the people you interact with do not understand what you are communicating as you intended them to do so. This is because you did not communicate clearly with yourself in the first instant. If you are not comfortable and confident enough with your Truth you will find it exceptionally difficult to identify what it is you truly need and thereby communicate this to others.
It is your responsibility to communicate what you want to say with accuracy and integrity. It is not fair to expect others to just know what exactly it is you are saying when you yourself are not being clear. Subsequently, once you have expressed and communicated your Truth with total honest clarity the responsibility to make another person understand the full meaning and to respond accordingly is not yours. When we express ourselves to other people we hand over the communication baton and it becomes the responsibility of the other person to deal with what we have expressed. They will do so within the capacity of their own understanding which is why being connected to your Truth when you communicate is vital.
Own your feelings, mind your mind and speak your Truth.
Lots of Love :-)
A dear friend of mine asked the question: "How do you forgive somebody who constantly hurts you?"
This a BIG question not just for individuals but for society itself. When somebody's behaviour creates pain either emotional, physical or psychological distress, discord and disharmony within us, how can we forgive them?
There are two dimensions of forgiveness that need separating into their right aspects. First of all there is third party forgiveness which usually involves an incident or incidents involving somebody we care about being mistreated by another person or it can be from a societal stand point of a person we don't know personally committing an affront that affects us as a society and we feel the action as a society on this level. This type of trespass by it's nature is very individual and circumstance specific and whilst the objective remains to get to a point where we move past the pain, the path of forgiveness this requires is different under these circumstances than it is for the second and more generally applicable first person forgiveness.
First person forgiveness is the dynamic whereby somebody in our life consistently behaves in a manner that triggers us to experience feelings of psychological, physical and/or emotional pain. It is often sustained and repetitive behaviour that goes on over a long period of time often to the point where it becomes "normal" and our emotional compass is automatically set to deal and respond to this person.
When we are children we are taught what our value is by our parents, our schools, our friends and our society. If we are truly lucky to have been raised by a network of care givers and educators who nurtured and nourished our emotional needs with positive praise for the good things we did, gentle correction of our errors and received a consistency of Love; if as children we are encouraged to aim high and be the best because we are the best and there is nothing on this earth that we can not achieve with passion and dedication; if as children we were told that we were good enough, that we were worthy, that our bodies were beautiful temples and that a child or adult did not have the right to abuse us because we are sacred and that the fact that we are alive makes us worthy of being Loved, respected and adored then the odds are stacked in our favour that as adults we will grow up knowing that we are worth "it", confident, self assured and peaceful.
However, in reality most of us did not grow up with our sense of self esteem in tact. Nobody told us how amazing we truly are. Nobody told us we are literally diamonds in the sky and that we shine with very little effort. In fact no effort at all when you know who you are and what you are worth.
"But what has this got to do with forgiveness?" I hear you ask.
EVERYTHING!
It's fundamental because it is our self esteem that determines what we will or will not tolerate in the first place. It is our self esteem that teaches us as parents what standards we set in our children. Knowing what you are worth turns a dial inside that sets the bar for how you interact with the world and how the world interacts with you.
Society has trained us to expect people to behave in a way that makes us feel good about ourselves when the truth is nobody has this power. If you can not identify within yourself what is acceptable behaviour, if you do not know where to draw your own line then you are open to having your heartbroken and your trust violated.
Every single human being on this planet wants to feel inner peace and harmony. Our pain may have developed highly sophisticated and intelligent reasons why we can't be happy but our heart knows different. It is our heart that knows right from wrong but if you're brain has been trained not to speak your heart's truth then you will always be searching outside of yourself for peace and it is this search that damages our self esteem. We look for peace where there is none, in relationships (family, friends and lovers) that are destructive because what we are searching for is validation. We need to know that we exist and that we mean something to someone and when our dial is set on low we open ourselves to repeating the same pattern of behaviour. The people may change (new boyfriend, different boss etc) but the pattern remains the same. It is the search for somebody to tell that part of us that never got told as a child that we are OK, that we are good enough, that we are worthy of Love.
So how do you forgive another human being who wrongs you? By going backwards and healing your own wounds first. Forgiveness is not about releasing somebody else from their behaviour or the consequence of what they have done. If a man hits a woman there is no justification for this action. If a woman sleeps with her best friend's husband, there is no justification for this action. Likewise, if your son steals from your purse or your daughter repeatedly lies to you, do not condone this behaviour. The action itself is not what you are forgiving, theft is theft, cheating is cheating! You're just choosing not to be hurt anymore. What you are doing by forgiving somebody who hurts you is releasing yourself from their action. "I forgive you." Should literally translate into "I release me."
Here comes the bit nobody who suffers wants to hear: "Nobody is coming to rescue you." If you want to move forward you have to stop wishing for a better past. You have to step right back and detach yourself from any feelings of guilt, shame, anger, hate and betrayal. All your negative feelings have to be relinquished because you need to heal those wounds in order to raise your bar. This draws your line, marks your boundary and empowers you to not let another person hurt you. When you know how much you are Loved unconditionally because you are the one doing the Loving you will not tolerate any other human being treating you with anything less than Love. When they do treat you with less than Love because you are coming from a place of Love you can stand your ground and reject being treated badly because their behaviour, (not them) is un-Loving. You can say "No, I will not allow you to treat me like this because I Love myself enough not to allow you to harm me." and mean it because the validation you were searching for from them i.e. the hope that they would one day be nice to you, has been found in you. It was there all along. Nobody told you when you were younger where to find it but that's OK because you know where the Truth resides NOW. It is in you, you are good enough.
Are you a half decent human being? Are you kind? Are you Loving? Are you caring? Are you willing to help others?
If the answer is yes to any of the above then lay down your sword, top up your glass and forgive yourself for thinking that you were ever anything other than amazing. We all have flaws but so do diamonds! So top up your own glass and let your Love for your Self flow and it will dilute and then flush out the pain of the past and reset your future. You will then attract into your life that which you are, Love! Like attracts like and people who want to harm you when you start to radiate your true Self will be blinded by your light and the choice then becomes theirs as to how they interact with you based on how you interact with you!
Love is like Teflon coating. It protects us from all life's dirty sticky bits. It's antiseptic! It does not let toxic judgments and negative beliefs fester inside lowering our ability to receive the Love we deserve, we then effortlessly pour back out into the world unconditionally and then receive back again eternally.
You are a valued and wonderful gift to the world. You have wisdom and insights to share. You truly are unique and a blessing, you always were. There is nothing dirty or shameful about you. I forgive you for thinking less than beautiful Loving thoughts about who you are :-)
I promise you that the gift of Forgiveness is Freedom. Freedom not from our past because you can not change what has gone but freedom from how we perceive it.
So take a deep breath, open your heart, let the tears flow, forgive and feel your freedom coming, you deserve Peace.
Lots of Love.
Today I posted the following question on my Facebook page: "Who is the most important person in your life that you communicate with?" and I was grateful to receive some wonderful responses. All of them fell into 4 categories - spouse, children, friends and parents.
My response is slightly different!
The people you communicate with externally are indeed very very important people. However of all the communication dynamics in the world, the most important communication you have is with your self because it is this the conversation that determines how you feel about your life. As parents we are often made to feel an obligation that our children are more important than we are but a parent who does not think Loving thoughts about who they are will invariable not set the example that self care is important to self esteem. Loving our children and lavishing attention on them is wonderful but our attitude, body language, facial expressions, words and tone of voice will demonstrate how you really feel. Children are extremely intuitive. They know when words don't match feeling just by instinct. Children learn how to feel about themselves by watching how their parents feel about themselves. This is why it is vital to demonstrate positive self regard so that our children can learn it directly from us because they see it in action.
Conversely in our relationships on a deep intuitive level we are attracted or repelled to particular people based on their disposition. Think about people you know who when they walk into a room light it up straight away without saying a word and conversely the people that you pray never talk to you because their inherent negative dialogue drains your energies and leaves you feeling like lead. These are all demonstrations of dynamics that our created based on what is going on inside us.
Your relationship with yourself indicates exactly how you then interact with other people and how conditionally/unconditionally you express the Love that you feel that resides inside. It is possible to Love someone in your heart but condition that Love by being negative in your thoughts, deed and actions.
Like putting on an oxygen mask on an plane when you take care of your own needs first you are then able to take care of the needs of those you Love because you do not need validation about who you are from outside of yourself. You become the keeper of your own worth. You radiate an inner peace. Whether you like it or not, your life is a direct reflection of the story you tell your self. It is the living dramatisation of the script you read internally and hand out to others.
The dialogue of your internal conversations is non verbal it is based on your self perception which determines your attitude. You may well think you're a positive and congenial person but if you're actual attitude is perceived as morose and disagreeable because of the things you say which are in fact a reflection of your own self beliefs, you will do more harm not only to yourself in terms of how others relate to you but to the emotional well being of others.
We are whatever we tell ourselves we are so choose your thoughts about yourself wisely and take the time to look after your own emotional needs. Be brave enough to ask the people who Love and care about you for honest reflections about the way you treat your self. If what you think is your behaviour and how you are being treated do not match up then feedback is vital. Ask for any additional support you may need.
You don't need a magic mirror to have a Loving conversation with yourself. It starts by just appreciating who you are and complimenting yourself on the things you can do. Focusing on negativity is not the way to improve the communications!
Nurturing internal conversations are the path to emotional balance and psychological well being. So celebrate what's wonderful about yourself by constructively sharing your insights with yourself (inbox me for a really simple practice). This is not selfish, narcissistic arrogant behaviour. Hell no! Being complementary about yourself to yourself by practicing positive Emotional Self Literacy is the habit of demonstrating the art of Loving Self Care and the fact that you are alive today means that you have earned the right to be unbelievably nice to you!
Now answer me this "What makes you so Lovable?". Simply repeat the answer to yourself every single day.
Lots of Love.
:-)
For centuries in the west, female sexuality has been a focus of shame, embarrassment, repression and cultural enslavement for women. Long before the monotheistic God of Abraham, women were adored, Loved, revered and honoured as Divine Goddesses whose strength and ability to bring new life (or death) made them worthy of glorious temples, shrines, holy days, festivals and priests. An invaluable equal sovereign to a King, female sexuality was sacred and celebrated.
Sex is the physical expression of primal masculine and feminine energy (nothing to do with gender) and it is in sexual union that this powerful healing and nurturing force that becomes creation, literally or metaphysically.
Why then do so many women struggle to express themselves authentically during sex? Why are women afraid to speak their minds and ask for what they need and want from their partners? The sexual revolution of the sixties may have given us more sex but it did not give us sexual liberation. What's the point in being given a Mercedes if you don't know how to drive!
The female role models of today have become twisted ideals of the male sexual ego which has been taught to perceive women as young trinkets and dolls or masculine, old and unattractive in both cases unequal to their male counterparts.
The reality is women will never know how powerful they really are until they are completely free to explore who and what they are sexually in an environment that takes them out of their heads filled with judgement, fear and shame and puts them firmly back in their bodies. Intimacy is about connecting on the deepest most honest level with another human being and the most powerful part of this exploration is the female orgasm. Not the kind of orgasm that just forces your muscles to constrict rhythmically for a minute or two following continued friction (if you're lucky) and then vanishes but the sustained vibration of pleasure that courses through your entire body like a warm wave of prolonged peaceful ecstacy that prevails long after the act itself is completed.
Like all relationships the female orgasm starts with getting to know yourself first. Name it and claim it! You can't understand what it can do if you don't know what "it" is! Take a look and see for yourself after all you know where your bellybutton is and that spends nearly as much time covered up as your vagina! So take the time to make friends with the most intimate area of your body. Give yourself complete permission to explore and discover how sensitive you truly can be. Touch, stroke and feel your own pleasure. Whatever feels good IS good so don't deny yourself. Enjoy each sensation and follow your own intuition and see where that leads you.
There are lots of different ways to deepen and nurture the female connection to the power of her orgasm but the most empowering connection comes through sharing. Knowing what you want and then allowing your partner to learn by watching and participating with you, the two of you focusing attention on creating the feminine orgasm together and sharing in the magic of the moment is truly wonderous to behold. And it's this level of intimacy, this level of connecting one soul with another that increases our capacity to Love and Love after all is what heals the world.
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