Grieving and Healing

It's funny how something random can trip you up emotionally and you find yourself awash with feelings you thought you'd left behind. Do we ever stop grieving for the hopes, dreams and Loved ones we lose. But then again one of the major laws of physics teaches energy does not die it simply changes form. So is this what happens to our hopes, beliefs and dreams? When they die do they find new form? If so where? Do they transform into new dreams and new hopes? If so, how? Will it happen naturally like decomposition, dying only to become absorbed into something else? Or do we have to cremate them ourselves sweeping up the ashes of what once was, finding somewhere to discard them. Do we ever really lose the things we hold dear? People, memories, the things we Love, time? Is there always a lesson to be learned from that which we can not hold on to or lets go of us, the people we lose and our dreams that get washed away? 

We grieve for what could have been, what should have been and what will never be. We grieve for what has gone before and what will never be replaced. We grieve for what we Love the most and it is this journey alone that has the power to make us, break us, transform and enlighten us. The grieving process is a journey into the darkest, loneliest valley we will ever walk. It is a journey that is undertaken without a map of reason and no two are the same. It is a journey into our very soul. Grief forces us to confront ourselves, how we live and how we behave towards others. It is in grief that we are plunged into the depths of sadness and the power of anger is unleashed. There is an eye in this storm where nothing is real and nothing can be felt. As the world carries on turning you are stuck in the void, stuck in the nothingness where we feel nothing but numb. It is the void that scares the most. It is the nothing that is the most frightening. It is the feeling of not feeling that creates an indifference to life that a part of you knows is unnatural but you don't care because you don't care. 

It hurts to breathe. It hurts to cry and every morning that you wake up you curse that you're still alive. You don't want to die but you don't want to live another day of this unquantified emptiness. An end does not seem in sight.

There are moments of respite that catch you off guard and a warm memory will make you laugh or smile as you wait for the bus or pack groceries in the supermarket. It is these precious fragments of Love that override the anger, the sorrow and the ache of missing what you no longer have that creates a healing balm. It hurts but it heals.

So do we ever stop grieving or do we learn to just live with our loss and if so will those tears that spring without warning ever stop flowing?

What did you say?

The secret to accurate and effective communication with yourself and others requires a bit of effort but it is simple and it's not really a secret!

1) Make peace with who you are; this just means taking responsibility for the things that you've done, atoning for your errors and understanding that you do have something valuable to bring to the world. Peace allows your Truth to surface. Our Truth empowers us when we own it and speak in alignment with it. 

2) Separate your needs from your wants. Needs are essential to our emotional, physical, psychological, spiritual survival. We need to feel satisfied physically, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually and this can only be achieved when our internal need for validation is met with feeling inner peace. Inner peace comes from accepting the majesty of who we are. 

3) Identify your feelings. How you feel is a physical response that happens in your body. Feelings are the language of the body. "I am tired" is a feeling, "I am pissed off" is not! Most people are unaware of this and confuse their feelings with their emotions which are not the same. Thoughts create emotions that without the filter of inner peace create beliefs and behaviours that are often not in alignment with our Truth.  Feelings are the language of the body. 

4) Control your thoughts. The constant barrage of mental images, infinite scenarios, unfounded fears (creating anxiety) and beliefs that go unchallenged in a never ending stream of internal dialogue require management. Thoughts contain the raw ingredients of emotions. What you think will create your emotional state. Emotional states are experiences that are created the instant a thought arises. 

5) Manage your emotions. Emotions are shadows of what we are thinking. Emotions are the shadows of our thoughts. Thoughts come and go. When you ruminate and fixate your thoughts on one thing, when your attention is focused on one thought or set or thoughts you will experience the corresponding emotion. It can be positive, it can be negative it depends on exactly what you are thinking about.

When you manage your emotions you can honestly identify and communicate your feelings. 

Accurate and effective communication is vital. It is our internal script that we read to ourselves and that we hand out to others. What we communicate is reflected back by the way other people interact with us. If you are not communicating your authentic self, do not be surprised when the people you interact with do not understand what you are communicating as you intended them to do so. This is because you did not communicate clearly with yourself in the first instant. If you are not comfortable and confident enough with your Truth you will find it exceptionally difficult to identify what it is you truly need and thereby communicate this to others. 

It is your responsibility to communicate what you want to say with accuracy and integrity. It is not fair to expect others to just know what exactly it is you are saying when you yourself are not being clear. Subsequently, once you have expressed and communicated your Truth with total honest clarity the responsibility to make another person understand the full meaning and to respond accordingly is not yours. When we express ourselves to other people we hand over the communication baton and it becomes the responsibility of the other person to deal with what we have expressed. They will do so within the capacity of their own understanding which is why being connected to your Truth when you communicate is vital. 

Own your feelings, mind your mind and speak your Truth.

Lots of Love :-)

The Forgiveness U Turn!

A dear friend of mine asked the question: "How do you forgive somebody who constantly hurts you?"

This a BIG question not just for individuals but for society itself. When somebody's behaviour creates pain either emotional, physical or psychological distress, discord and disharmony within us, how can we forgive them?

There are two dimensions of forgiveness that need separating into their right aspects. First of all there is third party forgiveness which usually involves an incident or incidents involving somebody we care about being mistreated by another person or it can be from a societal stand point of a person we don't know personally committing an affront that affects us as a society and we feel the action as a society on this level. This type of trespass by it's nature is very individual and circumstance specific and whilst the objective remains to get to a point where we move past the pain, the path of forgiveness this requires is different under these circumstances than it is for the second and more generally applicable first person forgiveness.

First person forgiveness is the dynamic whereby somebody in our life consistently behaves in a manner that triggers us to experience feelings of psychological, physical and/or emotional pain. It is often sustained and repetitive behaviour that goes on over a long period of time often to the point where it becomes "normal" and our emotional compass is automatically set to deal and respond to this person.

When we are children we are taught what our value is by our parents, our schools, our friends and our society. If we are truly lucky to have been raised by a network of care givers and educators who nurtured and nourished our emotional needs with positive praise for the good things we did, gentle correction of our errors and received a consistency of Love; if as children we are encouraged to aim high and be the best because we are the best and there is nothing on this earth that we can not achieve with passion and dedication; if as children we were told that we were good enough, that we were worthy, that our bodies were beautiful temples and that a child or adult did not have the right to abuse us because we are sacred and that the fact that we are alive makes us worthy of being Loved, respected and adored then the odds are stacked in our favour that as adults we will grow up knowing that we are worth "it", confident, self assured and peaceful.

However, in reality most of us did not grow up with our sense of self esteem in tact. Nobody told us how amazing we truly are. Nobody told us we are literally diamonds in the sky and that we shine with very little effort. In fact no effort at all when you know who you are and what you are worth. 

"But what has this got to do with forgiveness?" I hear you ask. 

EVERYTHING!

It's fundamental because it is our self esteem that determines what we will or will not tolerate in the first place. It is our self esteem that teaches us as parents what standards we set in our children. Knowing what you are worth turns a dial inside that sets the bar for how you interact with the world and how the world interacts with you.

Society has trained us to expect people to behave in a way that makes us feel good about ourselves when the truth is nobody has this power. If you can not identify within yourself what is acceptable behaviour, if you do not know where to draw your own line then you are open to having your heartbroken and your trust violated.

Every single human being on this planet wants to feel inner peace and harmony. Our pain may have developed highly sophisticated and intelligent reasons why we can't be happy but our heart knows different. It is our heart that knows right from wrong but if you're brain has been trained not to speak your heart's truth then you will always be searching outside of yourself for peace and it is this search that damages our self esteem. We look for peace where there is none, in relationships (family, friends and lovers) that are destructive because what we are searching for is validation. We need to know that we exist and that we mean something to someone and when our dial is set on low we open ourselves to repeating the same pattern of behaviour. The people may change (new boyfriend, different boss etc) but the pattern remains the same. It is the search for somebody to tell that part of us that never got told as a child that we are OK, that we are good enough, that we are worthy of Love. 

So how do you forgive another human being who wrongs you? By going backwards and healing your own wounds first. Forgiveness is not about releasing somebody else from their behaviour or the consequence of what they have done. If a man hits a woman there is no justification for this action. If a woman sleeps with her best friend's husband, there is no justification for this action. Likewise, if your son steals from your purse or your daughter repeatedly lies to you, do not condone this behaviour. The action itself is not what you are forgiving, theft is theft, cheating is cheating! You're just choosing not to be hurt anymore. What you are doing by forgiving somebody who hurts you is releasing yourself from their action. "I forgive you." Should literally translate into "I release me."

Here comes the bit nobody who suffers wants to hear: "Nobody is coming to rescue you." If you want to move forward you have to stop wishing for a better past. You have to step right back and detach yourself from any feelings of guilt, shame, anger, hate and betrayal. All your negative feelings have to be relinquished because you need to heal those wounds in order to raise your bar. This draws your line, marks your boundary and empowers you to not let another person hurt you. When you know how much you are Loved unconditionally because you are the one doing the Loving you will not tolerate any other human being treating you with anything less than Love. When they do treat you with less than Love because you are coming from a place of Love you can stand your ground and reject being treated badly because their behaviour, (not them) is un-Loving. You can say "No, I will not allow you to treat me like this because I Love myself enough not to allow you to harm me." and mean it because the validation you were searching for from them i.e. the hope that they would one day be nice to you, has been found in you. It was there all along. Nobody told you when you were younger where to find it but that's OK because you know where the Truth resides NOW. It is in you, you are good enough.

Are you a half decent human being? Are you kind? Are you Loving? Are you caring? Are you willing to help others?

If the answer is yes to any of the above then lay down your sword, top up your glass and forgive yourself for thinking that you were ever anything other than amazing. We all have flaws but so do diamonds! So top up your own glass and let your Love for your Self flow and it will dilute and then flush out the pain of the past and reset your future. You will then attract into your life that which you are, Love! Like attracts like and people who want to harm you when you start to radiate your true Self will be blinded by your light and the choice then becomes theirs as to how they interact with you based on how you interact with you! 

Love is like Teflon coating. It protects us from all life's dirty sticky bits. It's antiseptic! It does not let toxic judgments and negative beliefs fester inside lowering our ability to receive the Love we deserve, we then effortlessly pour back out into the world unconditionally and then receive back again eternally. 

You are a valued and wonderful gift to the world. You have wisdom and insights to share. You truly are unique and a blessing, you always were. There is nothing dirty or shameful about you. I forgive you for thinking less than beautiful Loving thoughts about who you are :-)

I promise you that the gift of Forgiveness is Freedom. Freedom not from our past because you can not change what has gone but freedom from how we perceive it. 

So take a deep breath, open your heart, let the tears flow, forgive and feel your freedom coming, you deserve Peace.

Lots of Love. 

Mirror Mirror on the Wall...

Today I posted the following question on my Facebook page: "Who is the most important person in your life that you communicate with?" and I was grateful to receive some wonderful responses. All of them fell into 4 categories - spouse, children, friends and parents. 

My response is slightly different!

The people you communicate with externally are indeed very very important people. However of all the communication dynamics in the world, the most important communication you have is with your self because it is this the conversation that determines how you feel about your life. As parents we are often made to feel an obligation that our children are more important than we are but a parent who does not think Loving thoughts about who they are will invariable not set the example that self care is important to self esteem. Loving our children and lavishing attention on them is wonderful but our attitude, body language, facial expressions, words and tone of voice will demonstrate how you really feel. Children are extremely intuitive. They know when words don't match feeling just by instinct. Children learn how to feel about themselves by watching how their parents feel about themselves. This is why it is vital to demonstrate positive self regard so that our children can learn it directly from us because they see it in action. 

Conversely in our relationships on a deep intuitive level we are attracted or repelled to particular people based on their disposition. Think about people you know who when they walk into a room light it up straight away without saying a word and conversely the people that you pray never talk to you because their inherent negative dialogue drains your energies and leaves you feeling like lead. These are all demonstrations of dynamics that our created based on what is going on inside us. 

Your relationship with yourself indicates exactly how you then interact with other people and how conditionally/unconditionally you express the Love that you feel that resides inside. It is possible to Love someone in your heart but condition that Love by being negative in your thoughts, deed and actions.

Like putting on an oxygen mask on an plane when you take care of your own needs first you are then able to take care of the needs of those you Love because you do not need validation about who you are from outside of yourself. You become the keeper of your own worth. You radiate an inner peace. Whether you like it or not, your life is a direct reflection of the story you tell your self. It is the living dramatisation of the script you read internally and hand out to others. 

The dialogue of your internal conversations is non verbal it is based on your self perception which determines your attitude. You may well think you're a positive and congenial person but if you're actual attitude is perceived as morose and disagreeable because of the things you say which are in fact a reflection of your own self beliefs, you will do more harm not only to yourself in terms of how others relate to you but to the emotional well being of others. 

We are whatever we tell ourselves we are so choose your thoughts about yourself wisely and take the time to look after your own emotional needs. Be brave enough to ask the people who Love and care about you for honest reflections about the way you treat your self. If what you think is your behaviour and how you are being treated do not match up then feedback is vital. Ask for any additional support you may need.

You don't need a magic mirror to have a Loving conversation with yourself. It starts by just appreciating who you are and complimenting yourself on the things you can do. Focusing on negativity is not the way to improve the communications!

Nurturing internal conversations are the path to emotional balance and psychological well being. So celebrate what's wonderful about yourself by constructively sharing your insights with yourself (inbox me for a really simple practice). This is not selfish, narcissistic arrogant behaviour. Hell no! Being complementary about yourself to yourself by practicing positive Emotional Self Literacy is the habit of demonstrating the art of Loving Self Care and the fact that you are alive today means that you have earned the right to be unbelievably nice to you!

Now answer me this "What makes you so Lovable?". Simply repeat the answer to yourself every single day.

Lots of Love. 

:-)

Thank you Kleenex!

Having a big clear out, I found some notes, letters and poems that I'd written to and about an ex I THOUGHT I was in Love with. It was weird reading them! At the time I was so convinced in my head that it was Love that I was feeling. I told my heart that I Love this man! My poor heart knew the truth but didn't stand a chance against such mental illness!!! My Ego and my mind told my entire being that I was in Love and I went blindly along with it. The mental torture, the crippling pain in my chest that had me curled up in bed in floods of tears, the self destruction, the waiting by the phone that never rang, the dates that never happened, the disrespect, the abandonment, the infinite sadness and the loneliness that came with being in the relationship because someone was better than no one and this was Love right? I know it's Love because only Love can hurt sooo much right? That's what the songs say, that's what the movies show, that's what I've learnt. This hell is heaven, this hell is Love! It's Love Jenna-Lee! It's Love! 


This daily agony that I'm smiling through is the fire of Love, I know it is! I'll just have another glass of wine and a cigarette to take the edge off. Thank you Kleenex for being here! 


I'm so in Love.


BUT


If it wasn't for X, Y and Z I could be HAPPY!! If he just did A, B and C he could work his shit out, if I suppressed L, M and N deep inside he'd trust me more. If I stopped being me and and if we promised to change E, F and G about ourselves everything would work out Disney style. YAY!


I was prepared to rearrange the entire alphabet to accommodate this doomed, incompatible relationship into my life to prove to the world, myself and him that I Loved him, that I wasn't a romantic disaster zone. I could do it!!! Happy ever after with this man was my birthright. I will make it work!


 It was crazy! 


What was I thinking? 


Where was my integrity, honesty, truth? Where was my Heart in all of this? On vacation or just held hostage by my Ego's insanity? 


"I need him!" I cried into another glass of Sauvignon Blanc.  "No Jenna you actually NEED air, water and shelter" said my higher self but I quickly hog tied that bitch up and locked her in the cellar of my mind. 


Had my self esteem been soooo low? Had I honestly felt so little Love for myself that I was prepared to force a square peg through a round hole just to feel a part of something that ultimately only I could truly fulfill in myself? Was I so afraid that I was not worthy of Unconditional Love that I was willing to settle for something so far from the letter L to even begin to call it Love was a joke!


It's amazing what we are willing to settle for, what we are willing to put up with in the name of Love. We con ourselves into believing that another person completes us or another person will change for us because we wish it to be so "If you Love me you'd do this...!" Why won't you behave the way I want you to? Why are you treating me so badly? Why don't you care? Why are YOU being YOU! So many why's! Your focus is entirely on them when really Love is bliss! Love doesn't ask questions or make demands. Love accepts and accommodates another person WITHOUT compromising you at the same time! If you have to force, wish or hope for Love to conform then my friends it is not Unconditional Love and I have the burning letters to prove it!

The Roly Poly Kid!

Tonight I got to thinking, what was the first and greatest achievement I could remember. I really had to scan my mind and was more than a little disappointed as I reflected back that I was struggling to remember anything as a child that I felt a real sense of pride and achievement in and then it came to me! "Roly Poly!". No I'm not talking about the jam filled suet pudding! My earliest memory of an achievement that I was genuinely proud of, something I had done all by myself was a gymnastic forward roll! I can remember trying so hard when I was about 5 or 6 to tuck my head really tightly into my knees and push off with my feet whilst catapulting myself headlong with some kind of forward motion. I remember that I would always veer off to the left all the time and collide with some big beige or brown clumsy piece of 70's furniture, amassing purple bruises and lumpy bumps that only made me all the more determined to be as good as Fiona Gallagher (princess of my class and not oldest child from Shameless - grrr!). I was so frustrated and annoyed that I couldn't get it right and I was trying so hard! If I could just go forward. I just needed to go over in one perfect circle, that was it. Just once. 

I rolled and I polled all off my mum's bed smacking the floor with my legs, head, shoulder, every time until one day my roll went perfectly forward!!! "I did it. I did it. I did it.!!!". I was overjoyed! Yep! So I did it again, just to make sure. I knew I'd nailed it because it got easier. I did it again and again all around the house. I was the roly poly master! I'd never been so happy or so pleased with myself to the point I couldn't wait to tuck my vest into my knickers and get to my next P.E class. I stood at the front of the line (even aged 5 I never did queues) and took my position.

Toes on the edge of the scratchy green cotton covered gym mat, arms raised above my head in starting pose, then bend, tuck in, roll, bungle back onto my feet, arms straight, stand straight like gold medalist (6.0, 6.0, 6.0) and take my bow. In my head the crowd were cheering. My first triumph over my fear, through the bruises and the frustrating doubt to achieve my goal. My first goal, a perfect forward roll :-).

The thing is that was a looong time ago!!!

I'm at the point in my life now where I've set myself new goals, new forward rolls and I realise nothing's changed. Whether you're 5 or 40 when you want something, when you are determined to achieve something. When every cell in your body bursts into life at the thought of achieving your dream because all you can see is your self taking a bow and hearing the rapturous applause of your heart, there is NOTHING you won't do to immerse yourself in your desire. No thing can stop you when you are absolutely crystal clear in your heart and mind about what you truly deserve and it's all you can see, sense and feel in every aspect of your being. When you are that passionate about what you want in your life there is nothing you can not do. 

But I realised that for a BIG part of my life I never really had a goal. I never felt a true sense of purpose, a sense of direction, a sense of being, that I was worthy of anything more than I had. I didn't want anything, not because I was satisfied or that I didn't have dreams or ambitions but because I'd learnt to be afraid. I'd learnt not to try. Somewhere along the way I had learned that bruises take a long to heal so therefore, it was easier to avoid getting them by not trying to achieve anything. I put away my child like dreams because I'd lost the fearless determination and imagination that had conjured up my wildest fantasies and thoughts. The magic of pure self belief that I had when I was a child had been lost along the way to becoming part of "life". How tragic. How totally sad to lose something so precious, so beautiful, so innocent and so true: my sense of self. Where did I lose it? When did I lose it? How did I lose it? Who taught me not to believe that I could achieve anything I set my heart to? Why had I chosen to believe it? Somewhere along the way, my thinking had become flawed and bogged down twisted by life. Life had gotten in the way of living and I'd accepted the limitations that had been thrust upon me that I had assimilated into like my mother before me and her mother before her.

But the truth is the sky may be the limit but MY limit is NOT the sky!

:-)

The Sheep, The Shepherds and The Horses: A Tale of Life!

I was inspired to write this post after wandering around a page on Facebook and reading a conversation between two men that reminded me of a trip to our local city farm. 


It always fascinates me how people can behave like sheep or shepherds when it comes to their lives. Shepherds have a place to go a direction that leads to new pastures. They are aware of their environment and work in harmony with everything around them to get to new fields in life that offer new opportunities and fresh chances. The pastures may not be greener but they are new and shepherds seek them out. 


Sheep are different!


Sheep blindly follow other sheep gorging on the grass when they are told it is safe to do so by other sheep. They bleat mindlessly and complain in frustration when they run out of pasture or have to face a fence! They get helplessly stuck in ditches and can not free their minds to get out again. They perceive their situation as not of their making. They don't understand what they did to be there. It wasn't their fault after all. They didn't do ANYTHING! They followed the other sheep. They were powerless and didn't know that responsibility for their lives lay with them so they blame every other living creature in the paddock for their misfortune and continue to bleat.


Shepherds keep moving forward regardless. When the rain falls on them they put their heads down, dig in against the wind and keep walking till the sun re emerges and with thanks they lift their heads and shake the water from their hair. Shepherds may return to old pastures in order to reset their compasses but they do not stay long. The pasture is different because their travels have made THEM different. Nothing stays the same even when you go backwards. Sheep look down and see dry earth and bleat "Some sheep has eaten all MY grass. It's not fair. I don't deserve this situation. I can't do anything about it. WHY ME?". They do not move. They do not try. They can not see a positive resolution or an opportunity to learn from their experience. They stand in their own mess and bleat. Sheep are always surrounded by other sheep. Shepherds can find peace in their own counsel.


The irony is most sheep think they're horses!


Horses, similar to sheep and humans are herd animals, however, there's a HUGE difference between a horse and a sheep and how they appear to live their lives! 


Horses are big and strong, they are intelligent, respected and work hard. They are capable of travelling long distances without complaining in order to survive and sustain themselves. They are sociable animals who live in co-operative herds that survive throught mutual understanding. They do not provoke trouble but will fight to defend their young. 


Wild horses roam free and proud and hold their heads up to the sun. Sheep on the other hand are farm animals, domesticated and compliant, manipulated and easy to control. They are not wild or free. They are not expected to think for themselves, they follow.  Subsequently they are seen as food or clothing because they never challenge anything. They never try to live up to their potential. They bleat in repetitive mono syllables in their pens in an attempt to gain the sympathy of other livestock. It is easier not to try and escape and instead be lead by a dog who inevitably turns around and bites them. Such is the nature of a sheep.


However, it is wrong of me to judge sheep so harshly. They are creations of their environment. How can they be expected to be anything more than sheep when they are penned in and never encouraged to express themselves. I'm convinced that deep down inside we are all born with the heart of a Shepherd and the free unbroken spirit of a Horse.


:-)

To Be 3 Or Not To Be Free!

Today I feel physically knackered (I'll reprogramme that thought later :-) but for  now I have reverted to my 3 year old self - irritated, tired, hungry and throwing my toys out of my pram! I don't like being tired especially when coherent sentence formation in conversation goes out the window, haha! And as unbecoming as it may be rubbing my eyes, slouching and flailing my arms because everything is such an effort and everyone is deliberately irritating me because I'm always perfect so why are they making my life hard! I do secretly find my (extra) childish behaviour amusing I know I'm driving myself nuts and that after lunch and a nap I'll be fine but there's something liberating in indulging my inner brat and having a good laugh at myself that I thoroughly enjoy! A guilt free, guilty pleasure - heehee! It's so easy to lose touch with the fun, free, eternally youthful side of our natures. The essence of who we are. We worry so much about Life that it often gets in the way of Living. 


Children have amazing free spirits that really don't give a damn. Their needs are always met. Their needs are simple - feed me, make me laugh! They don't worry about deadlines, bills, relationships or fibre intake! They don't care if they're dirty and/or (often) smelly. Split ends, weight loss and cashflow mean nothing when you've just pulled a booger out your nose that's green and sticky! I know it's gross but see if a 3 year old cares as they proudly wave their finger at you. We're talking about little people who eat crap off the floor and pick up worms to show you how they wriggle and then do that wiggle dance that only the under 5's master just to emphasise the point. They'll slap a cat, deny they did it (not cool), walk away defiantly, demand what they want NOW and tell you "NO" if a request displeases them. They embody curiosity, with their never ending questions and unbroken spirits and being the closest creatures to God on this earth are my personal inspiration! 


I can remember taking my daughter to playgroup as a toddler and she'd never want to leave. Adamant that what she was doing (usually involving sand in her hair) was far more important than me needing to get to the bank or go to the supermarket. Being happy was all that mattered, being happy came first! Looking back she was right! I laugh at the things she did that annoyed me so much at the time especially the day she refused to eat her mashed veggies and knocked the spoon out of my hand so I retaliated by turning the bowl upside down onto her head! The look of shock on her face was priceless!!! LOL! Good times :-)


What happens to us as adults? At what point did life get so complicated? At what point did it stop being FUN??? Why are we no longer playful? Where did we lose our Joy? Being responsible doesn't detract from being a Human Being, emphasis on the "Being". If Life is a balancing act (I disagree) but if it is then surely allowing room to indulge your own precocious needs is part of the equation? The world won't stop turning just because you decide to read a book or go to a movie on your own, or practice handstands in your garden or my personal favourite - do absolutely nothing! Whatever self indulgence you want to partake of, however ridiculous or sublime, I suggest you GO FOR IT! Go on. Indulge yourself. You don't need anyone else's permission!!! 


You were never created to bear the weight of the world on your shoulders or carry such troubles in your heart. You can not give the best of yourself to others in your life if you do not first give the best of yourself to yourself by honouring your own feelings and taking care of your own needs, even if it's just for an hour. You are the foundation of your life upon which everything else is built - Construct with CARE!


Live a little, Live A LOT and LOVE LOVE LOVE every minute of your day, even when it's driving you nuts! But above all Laugh! Nothing brings and radiates Light in a darkened world more than the sound of laughter and nothing is more contagious!


Hmmm, I'd love to spend the afternoon in one of those indoor soft playhouses up to my neck in colourful plastic balls!!! LOL! I need a kid! Damn! Oh well pie and mash it is! Pass the Play Doh!


:-)

A Twist in my Sobriety!

How ironic and appropriate that it's Halloween and I'm facing my demons!!! LOL!


I have a research report to write. It's actually due in two weeks time. Naturally, I'd rather be eating cake! Initially I was excited about it but then this weekend after making the time to start it, I procrastinated and found 101 "other" things that needed my immediate attention. I justified wasting my Saturday by telling myself that I'd earned the chance to relax. Yes, even I knew this was a blatant lie but it's what I wanted to hear so I reinforced the untruth with biscuits and mochachinos! But the restlessness kept growing and I couldn't concentrate on my arch nemesis television. I was feeling ratty and irritable and by 2am the energy discord I had created had exhausted me and driven me to drag myself to bed!


Sunday I resolved to face the challenge of my report again! I woke up feeling refreshed and ready to start the day, I meditated for 2 hours, took a long hot shower singing away, I got dressed and felt fantastic!!!


I got down stairs and shied away from my books and workspace. I spent the day avoiding my project AGAIN! This time by bedtime and having wrestled with my demons considering maybe I need a glass of wine or a cigarette (I stopped drinking and smoking a while back) my inability to write my report had created a genuine feeling of nausea, discomfort and ill temper. I was rebelling against my higher self and losing. I felt awful!


What the hell was going on?


Psychology is my passion, understanding the processes of my own mind and challenging the negative thoughts in the minds of others is what I Love. Why then am I blocking myself from writing my report and showing the world that I am a scientist!??? That I DO understand the scientific principles of my discipline.


This morning I woke up with a heavy heart regarding what is a very simple piece of research to report on. Why am I not happy?


The answer as always came in my moments of stillness when through deep breathing and meditation, I quietened down all the noise associated with my thinking and asked myself to tell me why I was generating blocks to my work.


That pure loving little voice deep inside that very rarely gets to be heard above the banging racket of fear, judgement, panic, anger, insecurity and self doubt spoke up!


I'm not afraid of writing my report, hell no! I can produce an outstanding piece of work and I KNOW it! I'm not afraid that I don't understand the computer programme required to generate my statistics or the background papers I have to read and digest before putting pen to paper. HELL NO! I'm not afraid of the work, I'm afraid of the OUTCOME!


What happens after I produce a really good report? 


I'll TRULY have to acknowledge to myself that I am capable of changing how people see their world, that I really do have a gift that helps others to see their potential for their own greatness and encourages them to stand in their glory. There's a part of me that's terrified that I can't do it. That the responsibility to change the lives of others is too great. That I am a fake! That I am out of my league and where will it lead? What happens if I am as good as other people tell me I am that I know I am? What then? What happens when I finally start to change my own world in a way I only dreamed about? What happens when everything my heart desires manifests through little effort because I have aligned myself with my life's purpose? What then? 


The RESPONSIBILITY!!! I'll have to be more mindful of what I do, what I say, how I act. I'd have to put my money where my mouth is and BE the example of the inner peace and happiness I know and Love so much. Oh Shit! I can't do this!!!


That was the fear at the heart of my procrastination, I wasn't afraid that I couldn't write the report!!! HELL NO! I was afraid that I could, that I would and that because I know in my heart that I'm on the right path I'd continue to grow in my own truth. 


I wasn't afraid of failure! I was afraid of success!!! My own success. My own potential to do good things on a larger scale. I am a confident, happy individual full of Love and life but deep down inside there remains a wound unhealed, that of an insecure child, unsure, full of self doubt and wracked with conflicting emotions. Wanting to do good things but not knowing how. A child desperate for someone to tell her "There's nothing to fear, you ARE good enough.". 


I am responsible for my inner child. I am the only human being who can heal the wounds of insecurity that lie at the deepest and darkest depths of my being. For me there is only one elixir that can heal the self doubt that binds me to waste time and self sabotage. Love. That's all I can do to help myself. So today I gently nurse my insecurities by changing my mind. I accept the challenge of my future, I embrace it because it's mine.It was meant for me and in my soul I know it's right and that I won't let me down. 


Faith in a Consciousness bigger and greater than mine calms and strengthens me because in the mind of the God of my understanding we are all perfect and in perfection there is no failure :-).

Believing What You Think Is Often Not Very Smart!!!

Today, I have been thinking about thinking and how thinking is bad thinking! LOL! Let me explain. 

One of my dear friends sent me an email that was full of feelings of sadness reinforced by negative thinking and self sabotaging self beliefs that inevitably had become False Evidence Appearing Real (FEAR).

I believe that what we feel or our emotions stems from one of two places in our Consciousness, LOVE or FEAR. Whilst Love has all the attributes associated with a positive and happy life - Joy, Gratitude, Beauty, Peace, Inner Calm, Appreciation, Strength, Compassion, Self Belief etc. Fear is the polar opposite. Fear encompasses negativity in all it's forms Anger, Bitterness, Doubt, Self Loathing, Judgemental thinking, Blame, Suspicion and of course Hatred either for oneself or for others. 

Fearful living and thinking keep people prisoners, locked in cells formed inside our own minds. It's a self created hell often stemming from false truths handed down from generation to generation not only by society but by the people closest to us who are suppose to teach, Love and care for our well being. These people themselves, our parents, families and friends are often themselves just passing on the negative thinking patterns they themselves have learned. 

Most people base their fears on past experiences, or experiences they anticipate may happen to them in the future. By focusing on these two extremes of times they miss the vital component of what is the most important moment of their lives, the only moment that is truly real, the moment called NOW. It's the only one that's real!!! The past is gone, we can't go backwards the future isn't here and none of us are guaranteed the next 30 seconds yet alone the next day, week, month or year! So why do we choose to fill our heads and force our emotions to live in a moment that does not exist? And what are the consequences for doing so? Is there a benefit from rehashing past hurts and allowing them to dictate our future which inevitably becomes our past from which we draw our emotions in the present?

Basing my response on the inspirational work of Dr Wayne Dyer I'd like to share the following with you. 

Take every negative thought you have about your body, or your life and who you are and put them throught this test. It's probably easier to write them down but answer this question about  the statements  that you have written. 

Is is 100% TRUE? Without a doubt? Is it TRUE?

If it is not 100% TRUE then there is a chance that the self beliefs that you hold, reinforce and tell yourself about yourself and your abilities are WRONG! If there is a chance that a self belief in not true then there is an equal chance that the polar opposite i.e. a POSITIVE self belief about you, IS true. 

Reverse the negative statement of self belief that  you have written, replace it with the opposite POSITIVE statement. Now say this statement out loud because there may be a chance that THAT statement of self belief IS true too because the chances are you can't swear the negative statement of self belief is 100% true.

BEaring in mind these are both self belief statements that YOU have found by questioning a current self belief that is negative. When you put them to the truth test can you honestly swear without a doubt that either self belief statement is 100%. 

There are two statements, one of them is negative and will direct your thinking and the way you interact with your family, your friends and the world. It is a negative thought and such will reinforce ALL of it's negative attributes, manifesting negative results because that is it's ultimate destination and it is rooted in Fear.

HOWEVER, the Laws of Physics and the Universe state that everything has it's equal and exact opposite which means that there is also a positive self belief statement to countrer EVERY negative fear based self belief. A positive self belief statement will direct your thinking and the way you interact with your family, your friends and the world. in the exact opposite way to a negative self belief. Positive self beliefs are founded in self Love and Inner Peace. Positive self beliefs simply offer the chance to manifest and bring into your life all that is associated with Love, the source and ultimate positive force of energy.


When you break it down, there are only 2 choices in life when it comes to how we perceive our own existence. We can believe and subsequently invest our emotional energy into Positive or Negative thoughts. It's a 50/50 choice but it is YOUR choice.


Life is cyclical, it goes round like the spokes on the wheel of a bicycle. There are moments when the spokes are down and closest to the ground but there are moments when the spokes are pointing directly up to the Heavens and everything is possible. The only part of the Wheel of Life that remains constantly in motion without moving from its central point is the Hub of the wheel, the central point from which all spokes of experience extend. The Heart of the Wheel of Life remains constant and solid, in us this is our self belief. Life will take us up and take us down but the wheel keeps turning. The only choice you have to make is do you wish topeddle forwards into unknown territory and explore the world or peddle backwards and go no further than the "truth" you have created from you perception of your journey thus far?


Life is not easy, but it does not have to be hard if we take control of our thoughts and channel the energy of our beliefs in a direction that enables us to find happiness for ourselves and sharit it with others. But only you alone can do the work. No one else can make your life better. No one else can wish you well or Love you more if you don't wish these things and believe them to be naturally yours to own in the first place.


Objectively and Lovingly appraising your life and acknowledging the part you've played in bringing yourself to this point in your existence (you're not just a passenger in your own life) does not involve blaming, sabotaging or beating yourself up emotionally, physically or mentally. It is about releasing the misaligned beliefs of our pasts, the pain and the unforgiveness. It's taking ownership and responsibility about who we are. It's being feeling not just thinking positively in our desire to sincerely change our crrent thoughts into a conscious mind that Loves and supports continuously without judgement.


When you are down and lost in the valley of sadness you still have the choice to either sit down in the dirt, writhing in agony from your own self pity or say "NO". Enough IS Enough! I am sick to death of being sick to death! I AM choosing Light over darkness, I AM choosing LOVE over fear, I AM choosing ME! 


Why??? 


Do you really need to ask? 


The fact that you were born gives you the automatic birthright to be HAPPY!!! As the commercial says "Because you're worth it!".


So what do you choose to believe?


The past is gone, take only from it its wonder and beauty for the rest is dust..

The Return of The Gemini!

Hello one and all, friends :-)


It's been sooooo long since I've written a post!


So much has happened!!! I've been on such an incredible journey of self discovery that it will take time for me to catch up with myself  and blog myself up to date.


My consciousness and Heart have expanded at an exponential rate! I've changed so much on the inside and I've finally got myself some good travelling shoes that should see me through as I walk along the road that leads to true happiness. It's an amazing, beautiful and humbling journey. One that has filled me with so much Joy and excitement. I've figured out my Life's purpose and I've discovered a deeper level of inner peace through meditation and prayer. I'm still ME! Nothings changed that drastically, however, I am more grounded and feel more connected to my Higher Self, the true me, the one that wants to live only in Grace and Love. Sometimes, I think I might go "POP"!!!


Thank you for taking the time to read this post :-) I have thought about writing sooo many times over the last few weeks and wanting desperately to share my thoughts and feelings and to converse with everybody kind enough to read my posts, it's no real excuse but time and Life just kept getting in the way!


Anyway, I'm back and I'm ready to write, I hope you like what you read :-p.


Lots of Love


Jenna :-)

Where There's Life :-)

I was woken this morning at 4.30am to the sound of neighbours arguing and their baby crying and I just wanted them to STOP! Don't they realise that I live in the house next door? That my bedroom is adjacent to theirs? That I had to get up in 3 hours??? And whilst my initial anger was motivated by my own selfishness regarding my life (it took half an hour or so for me to consider that their lives are troubled) it got me thinking about the impact our lives have on each other in ways we'll never know.


We are all precious, unique children of Creation blessed with Life. Think about it. What are the odds of you being here? What did it take to bring you into this world? Your family tree stretches back for millennia, every relative as far back as time goes had to meet that specific person at that specific time to create everyone you're related to. Your parents had to meet, make love, that egg, that sperm coming together at that unique and specific moment in time. Such a delicate combination of events, Divinely timed created YOU! 


And your birth was no accident! You are meant to be here, a thread in the rich and glorious tapestry of Life. Without your presence, something in the world would be different, a little less wonderful, a little less beautiful. Whether you realise it or not you have changed the world by simply being part of it. 


Do not underestimate how powerful having you here is. Like a stone in a pond your Life force ripples outwards touching other stones and ripples changing the face of the water. The soft waves nearest the stone as it splashes are small and tight and close to you, think of these ripples as your family and as they spread out and travel further, think of these as your friends, neighbours, colleagues, commuters on your train, the girl in the coffee shop, the company operative who answered your call, even the farmer who grows the oranges for the juice you buy! YOU touch the lives of millions of people everyday and more importantly YOU have the power to influence how other people feel. A harsh word, negative comment, smile or a hug can impact on another person in ways you might not realise. How wonderful does it feel when a child on the bus smiles at you? How horrible is it when someone you don't know pushes you out the way? 


We touch and we change each others lives every minute of the day.  So be mindful of what you think, what you say and how you act for YOU are an amazing source of energy that radiates for all to see. So choose your polarity wisely (positive or negative) because you are more powerful than you know.


I believe we are souls in human incarnation each with a purpose to bring Love and Light to the human experience. Our Lives are not meaningless, hopeless or devoid of purpose.


Life is NEVER hopeless :-)

Blog It!!! In the beginning...

Wow! So this is Blogging and this is my first Blog post? Blog Spot? Blog Bit? I don't know! What is the technical term for posting a nonsensical piece of rambling? I really am the world's worst technophobe, grrrr! I have NO idea what I'm doing suffice to say that it feels good, it feels right and perfectly timed.


I've spent most of today (lazily) putting this blog together and for me it's an achievement and I'm proud of it. There's something satisfying about doing something that you enjoy, knowing that you are on a new path, a new journey to somewhere unknown. I can't quite find adequate words to explain how I'm feeling right now or what's stirring inside me. 


About 3 weeks ago I met an incredible person who inspired me to reach down inside myself and dust off my "gift", an ability to understand how people are feeling, offer Loving, supportive and inspiring advice that for some reason seems to help other people (and me) in their daily lives.


I have nothing to sell, or anything to trade. I am my product! All I want to do is remind everyone that we are all worth something and that Happiness, Inner Peace and Love are in fact rights we were all born with and that are attainable, if you believe and trust in the content of your inner self and in the guidance of your heart. 


I often get this weird little tingle (it's the only word I can think of), a rush of energy that lives in my body cells that I often can't explain that tells me that there is more to living and Life itself than my limited 5 senses can experience and it's feeling/intuition that forms the basis of my Belief in the potential and goodness of mankind. My Belief is built on a Faith I have that I am but a drop in an Ocean that forms something bigger than me. I don't fully understand it and maybe I'm not to meant to because I'm human incarnate and I accept this, it gives me freedom to experience the richness of my experiences and the lessons I learn.

Life is full of lessons to learn, some easy, some hard, some painful and some are just fun. I've tried hard see the best in every situation I have been in - especially the ones that left me broken and often in tears on the bathroom floor sobbing "why?".

But each time I've gotten up, dusted myself off, laughed and gone positively back out into the world a little wiser but never jaded :-).

So here I am ready and willing to share my experiences and thoughts with the world!



Writing is not a chore to me, it's a pleasure that I enjoy and that I hope will be pleasurable to anyone who graciously decides to read my thoughts and share their own opinions on what I pen.


So to anyone reading these words right now "Hello" and welcome to my little corner of cyberspace. I hope you'll bear with me, get to know me, converse with me and come back and do it all again. 

Jenna :-)