I read this blog post http://maxilus-maxilus.blogspot.com/2011/09/what-has-happened-to-people-friendships.html?spref=fb about the nature of friendships and change and it got me thinking in one direction and then sent me off on a tangent!
Hmmm, where to begin??? Let's go make some tea first!!! LOL!
I think like the natural world, human nature consists of polarities - light and dark, fire and ice, deserts and oceans. We all have positive and negative aspects to our personalities, otherwise we wouldn't be human and we wouldn't be able to learn our life lessons. It's the negative aspects of our thinking that offer us an avenue to challenge ourselves and allow us to grow and develop. With this in mind, I think it's unfair and unrealistic to expect people to behave 1 dimensionally and consistently. Our personalities are made up of many facets and I challenge anyone who says that a) they know themselves, b) their personality has not changed over the years and c) that their personality and behaviour is consistent with everyone they know/meet.
I know for a fact that mine isn't! The personality I project in a class full of students younger than me is not the same as the personality I project when I'm out socialising with friends or being intimate with my lover. Whilst the traits of my personality may fundamentally remain the same (Open, Extrovert etc) how I behave and relate to others does not. I adjust my personality to the situation that I find myself in, I can't be alone in this? Surely that's what we all do???
And herein lies a confusing paradox, believing that our behaviour, personalities and thoughts are consistent when in reality, they're not!
We all have experiences that are unique and personal to us. No two people will process and experience the same events in the same way. It is our experiences combined with our history and personalities that determine how we react and project ourselves. Living forces us to change! When we change our perception of the world around us and the people in it change too because we have! If you are blessed with good, supportive and compatible friends, family, colleagues etc the change often goes undetected and Life continues to flow. However when change is not synchronised, we feel it and can become acutely sensitive to it.
Change, especially when forced upon us rarely makes sense and d we start to ask "Why is so and so behaving in this way?", "Why don't people understand?", etc. We can so easily get stuck in the questioning of the behaviour of others. We become so blindingly judgemental that we fail to notice the fundamental truth - we can not control the behaviour of others. We can only control the behaviour of ourselves and how we react to the change that occurs in our lives.
People change, we change and subsequently the nature and dynamics of our relationships/friendships change. I sincerely believe that people come into our lives for a REASON, a SEASON or for LIFE and it is our responsibility to identify what role a person plays in our life, learn our lessons and to accept the inevitability of change. Change happens with or without your permission - FACT!
We all have individual Life Paths and as such can only control how WE behave. One person may not be able to change the majority in an instant but by becoming and living by example change can be effected if we really want it and we chose it.
Like attracts Like, it is just that simple. So when we stop judging and questioning the behaviour of others and become more compassionate, Loving, tolerant and accepting of the flaws of humanity we ourselves change into more compassionate, Loving, tolerant, understanding and forgiving human beings and experience true Joy. This is the alignment of our hearts with our personalities and behaviour. To my mind, this is at the heart of what it means to be human, it is our humanity.