Phone rings. It's one of my ex boyfriends. "Alright Girl! I'm in the city fancy lunch?" As tempting as wild mushroom polenta washed down with a Bellini or 2 is, I have another appointment so reluctantly decline. I haven't spoken to him since April and we've got loads to catch up on so we slip into a natural conversation about the current events of our lives. There are genuine and heart felt congratulations and commiserations between us. I really enjoy our conversation, he gives me advice and I give him advice and everything flows so naturally between us and I realise this is because we actually have a genuine friendship. I don't feel the pressure to be the all Loving, sexy, supportive girlfriend and he doesn't feel the need to be gentleman come all action super hero. There are no false barriers to hide behind. I see through him and he sees through me, we really are "Just good friends." And I absolutely adore him.
Serendipity brought us together one afternoon. I'd been single for a while and he'd just come out of a long relationship so really and truly we were never really destined at that moment in time to have more than an intense and passionate 6 months together which we did. Loads in common bringing out the best in and inspiring each other.It was great but we were romancing on borrowed time. I wanted a grown up relationship, he was just getting over one so when he rang me and said "Baby we need to talk." I had an idea of where we were heading and although it was sad when he sat in front of me and admitted that he was still in Love with his ex I felt nothing but compassion, no anger, no bewilderment and none of the torture that comes from having lots of questions and no answers. As he opened his heart and honestly told me respectfully and kindly to my face that he couldn't give me the commitment I wanted I realised that I didn't want this amazing man out of my life. He was right we didn't have a future as a couple we had a future as something even more amazing, we had a future as friends.
When we get romantically involved with people our perspectives can go out the window. In a fit of passion and excitement we get caught up in the romance of what we want and can overlook the often overlooked reason this person has come into our lives.
After having such a good open and honest chat with my ex I began to feel very thankful for his presence in my life. I appreciate him and I thank him for being the one who made the adult decision to end our relationship. But what makes me appreciate and Love him even more is the way he ended it. Instead of leaving me a "I'm sorry I can't do this." Post It note on the fridge or just ignoring me was kind enough to afford me the respect, compassion and kindness of ending our relationship with dignity. I respected him for this more than anything. I didn't walk away feeling used, confused or broken. I walked away with my dignity and it made a huge difference to what happened next between us.
We weren't meant to be a couple long not really, but we had built an incredible friendship and neither one of us wanted to end that and we didn't have to.
Today I've been reflecting on the saying that people come into our lives for a reason, a season and for life and I agree but I think if you scratch beneath the surface of that adage there is another layer of learning. Maybe one or two exceptional people come into our lives for a combination of reason and life, season and reason. This then poses a new challenge with regards to how we enter and exit the lives we touch.
A brave, simple, heartfelt conversation over a Cosmopolitan in a bar transformed 2 former Lovers into loyal, Loving, lifelong friends :-).
I read this blog post http://maxilus-maxilus.blogspot.com/2011/09/what-has-happened-to-people-friendships.html?spref=fb about the nature of friendships and change and it got me thinking in one direction and then sent me off on a tangent!
Hmmm, where to begin??? Let's go make some tea first!!! LOL!
I think like the natural world, human nature consists of polarities - light and dark, fire and ice, deserts and oceans. We all have positive and negative aspects to our personalities, otherwise we wouldn't be human and we wouldn't be able to learn our life lessons. It's the negative aspects of our thinking that offer us an avenue to challenge ourselves and allow us to grow and develop. With this in mind, I think it's unfair and unrealistic to expect people to behave 1 dimensionally and consistently. Our personalities are made up of many facets and I challenge anyone who says that a) they know themselves, b) their personality has not changed over the years and c) that their personality and behaviour is consistent with everyone they know/meet.
I know for a fact that mine isn't! The personality I project in a class full of students younger than me is not the same as the personality I project when I'm out socialising with friends or being intimate with my lover. Whilst the traits of my personality may fundamentally remain the same (Open, Extrovert etc) how I behave and relate to others does not. I adjust my personality to the situation that I find myself in, I can't be alone in this? Surely that's what we all do???
And herein lies a confusing paradox, believing that our behaviour, personalities and thoughts are consistent when in reality, they're not!
We all have experiences that are unique and personal to us. No two people will process and experience the same events in the same way. It is our experiences combined with our history and personalities that determine how we react and project ourselves. Living forces us to change! When we change our perception of the world around us and the people in it change too because we have! If you are blessed with good, supportive and compatible friends, family, colleagues etc the change often goes undetected and Life continues to flow. However when change is not synchronised, we feel it and can become acutely sensitive to it.
Change, especially when forced upon us rarely makes sense and d we start to ask "Why is so and so behaving in this way?", "Why don't people understand?", etc. We can so easily get stuck in the questioning of the behaviour of others. We become so blindingly judgemental that we fail to notice the fundamental truth - we can not control the behaviour of others. We can only control the behaviour of ourselves and how we react to the change that occurs in our lives.
People change, we change and subsequently the nature and dynamics of our relationships/friendships change. I sincerely believe that people come into our lives for a REASON, a SEASON or for LIFE and it is our responsibility to identify what role a person plays in our life, learn our lessons and to accept the inevitability of change. Change happens with or without your permission - FACT!
We all have individual Life Paths and as such can only control how WE behave. One person may not be able to change the majority in an instant but by becoming and living by example change can be effected if we really want it and we chose it.
Like attracts Like, it is just that simple. So when we stop judging and questioning the behaviour of others and become more compassionate, Loving, tolerant and accepting of the flaws of humanity we ourselves change into more compassionate, Loving, tolerant, understanding and forgiving human beings and experience true Joy. This is the alignment of our hearts with our personalities and behaviour. To my mind, this is at the heart of what it means to be human, it is our humanity.
:-)
My relationship with the God of my understanding is one whereby I can say "Father, I've been a dickhead (again)!" and he says "Yeah, I know! But have a KitKat anyway and I'll get your Guides, the Angels, your Ancestors, The Ascended Masters, The Sun, The Moon and every other celestial body that vibrates on the higher planes of existence to help fix your shit for you, again :-)!".
And I say "Thanks Pops!" then make a nice cup of tea knowing everything is safely held in the hands of my Creator and that Divine Right Order will put everything as it should be even if I don't like the way it looks at the time!
I have never felt so Loved, understood or happy as the day I realised that all my problems stem from the same problem, Misperception. Misperception about what I am, what you are, what life is and why we're all here. To "Know thy Self" is to free your mind from all of the beliefs, fears and misunderstandings that governments, society and religion in particular have given you.
The world as it is currently defined is designed to make us believe that we are stupid or failures, fractured and wrong for not conforming to or living by the rules the few made up to control the many. The 10 biblical commandments have been used and abused to turn the Sons and Daughters of the Creator into fearful slaves of a world that has forgotten the Golden Rule THE most important piece of advice from the Divine Mind "Love thy neighbour as thyself." I can't believe that it's not one of the 10 commandments personally! In fact I think it should be the only commandment but that's not for here!
The point I'm making is simple:
You were created by whatever Divine Being you choose to put your Faith in and I'm pretty sure that Being made you from a portion of itself, therefore, unless the Almighty you believe in isn't made from perfect Love then what else could you be made from?
In the eyes of Spirit you can not fail because you are perfection. You come from perfection therefore what else can you possibly be? Perfection.
If you are perfection it must be your perception of what you view yourself to be that is not perfect. Therefore how you view the world is an error or a sin if you prefer the biblical term which for the record comes from the Greek it is in fact an archery term meaning to "miss the mark". In archery when you miss the mark you take another shot! Simple things. You get to correct your original error! And that's all a sin is! That's all any mistake is, just an error in judgement or perception. It can be corrected quite easily by recognising that it is just an error. No matter how deep the consequences of an error may run, they can be corrected and healed. They can!
Kneeling before your own errors and admitting "Damn, I fucked up!" is the first step in correcting our perception. The second is admitting "I don't know how to fix this but I know a man who does!" And thirdly handing it over, all of it. Spirit can not heal what you can not release. So let IT go! You'll feel instant Peace and what you thought was a mountain will reduce to the size of a pin prick. You will see your problem through the eyes of Spirit and it will be transformed and it will be healed.
The Mind of the Universe is bigger and brighter than you can possibly imagine. We are Angels in human form our imaginations are limited by our beliefs but let go of what you believe and suddenly anything and everything can happen and does.
You do not have to be strong all the time. We are children of the Creator, so be a child. It's fun! If you want to count blades of grass do so. If you want to ride a Donkicorn (half donkey, half Unicorn mine's pink!) then close your eyes and whisk yourself into that world where everything is possible, everything exists and relax knowing that no matter what happens all is well.
Being Kind, Compassionate and Understanding is not weakness. When you open your heart to Love you connect with the most powerful force in the Universe, you connect directly with everything every created, you connect directly with the Divine.
Lots of Love.
:-)
.
Today I was asked "What do you mean when you use the term Source?" It's such a brilliant question! We are all at different stages on our spiritual journey and it is so important to be crystal clear and not take for granted and assume that everyone knows what you're talking about when you make a statement that contains a possible abstract construct. This was my reply:
With regards to your question about Source, when I use the term Source, I am referring to 2 forms of energy. The first is the all prevailing energy that created us - God, Divine Mind, Divine Consciousness, Awareness, The Creator, The Universe, Universal Consciousness are other names for Source. Source is the source of our existence. Source is just that the source from which we come from. The second reference I use the term for relates to the part of our selves that IS Source. It is the part of us that is the fragment of the Being that created everything. Source can only use itself to create, therefore what it creates must contain itself. Human beings have added layers to Source's original creation. These layers we have added are our beliefs, what we "think" is true! So when we return to Source all we are doing is stripping away the layers of the belief we have created and returning back to the Truth of our being. Back to the Source of what we are, Love.
Source is the energy of pure and complete, unpolluted, unconditional Love. Love that does not judge, manipulate, demand or expect anything in return. Love that walks with eternity and waits patiently, silently. The Love that begets inspiration, compassion and beauty in its most simple form.
It is pure.
It is perfect and that is why it has so much power to heal because it isn't broken and it can not be broken. Source only recognises itself because it only uses itself to create with. Source is Love, therefore it can only see Love. It can not see illness, wrong doing or any other human ailment or misconception that we ourselves have created through our fractured perception and belief that we are a separate being from the One who created us.
Source is NOT governed by the religion that man has made to suit his own purpose; that justifies inhumanity, intolerance and ignorance in the name of some easily offended, bad tempered, judgmental deity!
Source IS the energy that is fully alive between the atoms, that binds the whole Universe together. The energy that transforms a seed into a flower without any outside instruction. The same energy that takes a sperm and an egg and uninterrupted creates human life without our help!
When we return to Source and surrender to its energy completely we are healed physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally. The greatest gift of Source is the understanding and the shift in perception that reveals to us that we all originate from the same Source, Love. This is mirrored back to us when we accept that we are all originate from the same Source. It is mirrored in every soul we encounter.
We are made whole.
The internal struggles end and freedom returns.
Like the river flowing into the sea we simply return to what we are and to what we came from.
This is the flow of Love.
The day I stood up and said "I don't want to work here anymore" and walked out of my "good job" was the most defining moment of my life. I had no idea what I was doing but I knew that bureaucracy and working for a pension was not for me. There was nothing wrong with my job there is nothing wrong with any job! I wasn't happy with me. I wasn't happy full stop so any job i did at that moment in time would have been awful.
We blame our circumstances for our unhappiness when in truth our unhappiness is our responsibility. It's a hard and jagged little pill to swallow but it's true. Hating your job is the most obvious sign that you are out of alignment with something in your life. That something is you. The job is not the problem. You are!
When you're alive with happiness, living a fun and productive life that if is fulfilling everything you do feels wonderful. No task is to much to undertake. Your heart is light and there is something to smile about. You don't mind the walk to the train station or no seat on a bus. It doesn't bother you that much to be sat in traffic when you've got your favourite tunes for company. But the journey to work can feel like a gangplank to hell when you don't feel good about the job you do, or you can't see say anything nice about your colleagues. The job is to blame and it's not your fault right? Wrong!
The job is the the job! It needs to be done. Every job is valuable, every job serves a purpose when we see it as a way in which we ourselves can make the world a better place. Your job should not be just another means to fill a hole in your life or a way to make ends meet or drag yourself from one meaningless day to another.
Your work is your present to the world. So show up! Show up with all your positive energy, radiance and Love. It's your chance to make a difference. What you do during those 8 precious hours and the hours that surround it have the power to make or break another person's day. When you show up for work feeling negative you send out a vibration that will bring you more of the the same. It will be matched by more negative energy.
People who dislike their jobs invariably create negative energy that effects other people consciously and subconsciously. They infest the workplace with a heaviness that casts a malignant shadow over every person they come into contact with. Their unhappiness which goes beyond the 4 walls of the office/factory/shop etc and back to their Self is a tangible force that weighs heavily.
When you are unhappy in your place of work you are unfairly pushing out job satisfaction, joy, pride in your work and fulfillment. You are not being fair to your Self, your colleagues or other people whom you subconsciously effect with your unhappy attitude because you are not vibrating at your highest level of radiance. You are denying your Self and those around you the very best of you.
I do not advocate for one minute that you stand up and walk out of your job declaring "I'd rather live in hell than come back here tomorrow" but I'd be the first to cheer if you did! When I left my "job for life" it set in motion an effect that transformed my world so when my formal dismissal letter landed on my doorstep a few weeks later I knew that my first authentic day had arrived.
Do I regret it? Nope! Was it scary? Possibly. I don't remember to be honest. All I know was that I was dying in a job that I wasn't meant to be doing because I was meant to be finding my life purpose.
When I stopped working for the "the man" I was free to find myself, test myself and discover who I really am. It has been the greatest adventure of my life. I had no money and no conventional future to speak of but I didn't care. I had a burning deep inside me that wouldn't diminish. A desire to find something. I didn't know what at the time and it took me a while to work out that I was looking for was actually me! The real ME! The authentic me and started with a good cry in the bath that lead me to University.
Ironically, if I was to go back to my old job I could do it quite easily. I'd enjoy it, I'd give it my best and respect my work for I see now that it was never the job that was the problem, it was me. It's not the kind of work that would bring me boundless joy now but I would be able to do it peacefully because I am at peace with myself now.
So the moral of this tale is "Hell YES!" follow your heart, follow your dreams and become your passion! For this IS who you are. Pack only blind Faith in your valise and Serendipity, Synchronicity, Self belief and Love will do the rest.
There is another you out there, bigger and better than you you are today!.
Never betray who you are when they tell you what you should be! Have courage no matter how crazy the world tells you you are for walking the other way down a one way street because it's the direction life wants you to take. When you're in alignment with your true nature things start to just fall into place naturally effortlessly and harmoniously.
Eventually, we must all go our own way.
It takes courage but it's worth it because you are :-)
Whilst I agree that everyone is different and therefore one rule does not necessarily apply to all, there does come a point where we have to choose if we want to continue allowing sadness in any form to be the dominant feeling of our lives.
If is so powerful and whilst it can inspire us to do great things it can also become a seductive cloak that dominates the rest of our lives.
Sadness is sadness if something takes away your joy it can not be measured. When we lose someone/something that we Love dearly there comes a point where our sadness can turn into a habit we get use to it.
This is not natural.
Instead of foucsing our attention on the joy we felt with/for the one we Love we remember our own sorrow instead. This does not honour the fact that we were blessed to have shared our lives with someone who brought us Joy and whom we Loved.
We live in a western world that constantly reports negativity as news but it doesn't celebrate or encourage joy and fellowship.
Therefore, happiness requires effort we have to learn to change our perception of our sadness in order to see it as a feeling that can be harnessed for transformation and good.
Choose happiness because it feels good.
Lots of Love. xxx
My belief in physical Love is that we are gifts to our partners and they are gifts to us.
Romantic Love is a sacred union of two souls who come together for a duration of time that is appropriate for them.
We serve as mirrors to each other bringing to the Light of our consciousness that which needs healing from our past, issues such as anger, jealousy and self worth.
All of our fears are safely brought to the altar of Truth in a truly sacred union and we are given a chance to see them. With our partner's Love, encouragement and support we are given an opportunity to review, assess and safely challenge our own beliefs. Here we can correct our perception of ourselves. If your partner reflects the beauty of who you are back at you, it is a gift. It is your choice however, to accept it and use it to transform into the highest form of your own being.
Conversely, the wonderful aspects that already reside in you are nurtured like the roots of a tree to deepen and expand within the limitless capacity of a relationship that is nourished by
unconditional Love, compassion, tolerance, understanding and above all else acceptance.
The lessons of a relationship are not always easy but this is often due to our resistance as we adapt to learning something new. There are always challenges. We compromise but we ourselves should not be compromised.
Love is our natural state. It responds to itself and deep down inside you already know whether or not the relationship you are in is a true union of the soul. If it is not then the challenge becomes one of courage. We are set the task of not following the impulse of our exceptionally clever ego. Our super smart ego/personaltiy/thought patterns are entrenched and know us so well that it can over ride moments of clarity where we know our partner isn't the right person for us to be with.
The ego acting our of fear, loneliness or desperation (guilty as charged) employs the most seductive and sophisticated of techniques of denial into conning us into believing whole heartedly (now there's irony) that the illusion of "Love" we have found is meant to be and is eternal.
It is not because it is not Love.
"May you find in you what you seek in another."
Lots of Love
xxx
